Recently, I heard a dear griever make a statement that I have heard many times in the 4 years that I have facilitated this wonderful Grief Recovery Program. Many of us, have also, either said it ourselves or heard it said after someone has suffered an intense emotional loss. The statement-“I’m just not ready to talk about it.” Over these 4 years, I have contemplated that phrase and what is really being said. I believe what the griever is really saying is, “I can’t talk about my loss without tears, without sobbing, without falling apart and losing all control of my emotions.” The truth is, you shouldn’t be expected to talk in the days, weeks and months following an intense emotional loss without doing at least one of, some of, or maybe like me, you’ll pick “D,” and do all of the above. It is normal; it is natural.

Dr. Earl A. Grollman states,”Grief is not a disorder or a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

During my desperate search for relief from the indescribable pain I felt after the loss of my husband, I serendipitously stumbled across something most interesting about those “cursed” emotional tears we fight so hard to hold in. They’re good for us! Unlike basal tears or those tears that well up because of a strong onion you’re cutting, emotional tears contain an endorphin called leucine enkephalin. This endorphin is a natural occurring pain reliever. I love that! Our bodies are designed to produce a pain reliever when we are hurting and shedding emotional tears. In addition to that, crying helps to slow our breathing and reduces our heart rate. It calms us; it soothes us. It helps us heal.

So, I urge you, implore you, stop swallowing down, choking back and holding in those healing tears you so desperately need to shed. Find someone who will sit with you and listen to you; someone who will let you be sad during your time of grief and let you have all the good cries that you need.

Here’s to “A Good Cry” for all in need of one.